You Want My Brokenness

You said that it was finished, that it was completely done, but somehow it still visits me...that haunting memory of who I once was, the leftovers of a corrupted soul, evidence still sneaking its way into a redeemed life.

I can't escape it. The sights are too vivid, the wicked whispers make too much sense and I listen. Why do I listen? I clench my eyes shut, attempting to drown the thoughts that swim so skillfully, but their talents are no match for my weakness. The light casts its shine on all of my mistakes, the realities that surround me. I thirst for tomorrow, an empty slate, eyes awakening to a fresh start, and You give it to me. Why do you give it to me? 

You touch that fiery substance in the sky and carry it slowly out of sight, leaking coats of flaming orange, washing away the sins that stand before me and covering all the regrets with a blanket of darkness. Soft whispers of goodnight resound in my ears, mind, and heart as I close my eyes.

I sneak a glance ahead and smile. The strong shades of orange have been mixed with hot reds, burning the fears and failures to ash. You look at me and I am amazed that You are able to look past me. You look past me and see what You have made me. I want to look away, to hide myself, my sinful self, from Your perfect image, but Your eyes hold on to mine. You don't let go. I've let You down again, but that's not what You see. I am broken, but You love my brokenness. You have paid for it all and so I draw near to You, shaking and still so ashamed. You hold me and remind me, not who I was, but who You are and then it all becomes clear to me. I am forgiven. I let go of those nightmares, those memories of who I was and I fall. I fall into Your loving arms once more, knowing that You are forever. You won't leave me, though You have every right to. You love with a love that never lets go and You always will.

I am unstable in all my ways, a walking heartache, but You tell me that it is finished, that what You complete is completely done, and You cannot lie, and so I believe.

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