It's a long way up to reaching perspective and to be honest I scarcely want to make the trip. I'd rather sit tight down here, where it's safe, where the risk can be avoided. Is that living though? Is that trusting at all?
You say that in the stillness You are with me, in the madness You are there, but in order to really process that, I have to let go of the fear. Even though it seems more like a condition, fear is really an option. I can choose it, or I can refuse it, so why do I choose it?
I don't understand why You take away, but I never do question when You give. Embracing blessing is easy, but when it comes to the lesson? Oh, let's do without that please. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to say with an honest heart that You are good when I can't see past my own tears. I want to feel You near when the most precious of treasures have gone away. I want to rely on You in all things, to see You as more valuable than any other trivial distraction.
I know that its hard right now, but You knew that it would be, even before I was born into this world. You know the reason for every tear that slips from my eyes, You see the purpose in all my suffering. I want to see what You see, to take steps forward, steps with courage. In the midst of a trial is the worst possible time I could test out my own strength, seeing how far it will get me. Right now I need You and You alone.
I won't say that the future doesn't scare me, that change doesn't hurt, but I will say this...I know that You are with me and You will always be with me and that will be enough.
"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." ~Psalm 37:5-6
