Just Because My Eyes Are Closed Doesn't Mean Its Dark

Rivers don't always come in water, sometimes they make appearances in the form of light. We're like little boats, floating along golden rapids. This could be beautiful, if we didn't so often keep our eyes clamped shut from seeing it. It's like we know its there, the light, but choose to hide from it. Perhaps it is the fear of being without darkness, those small tastes of shadows, the little doses that we seem to be able to justify if rationed into small proportions.

The fact is, sin is sin and darkness can never be light. I know its hard to swallow, that concept, perhaps though it isn't so much the fact itself that leaves us feeling so uneasy, but the feeling that we don't want to let go of. Its like we don't want to be separated from it, because somehow we tell ourselves we can never be complete if left without it. We all seem to land right there in the middle, lukewarm waters, half light, half dark, or so we think. There really is no middle ground. Light is light and dark is dark, so why are we so easily confused between the two?

Do you know that feeling of alarm? Perhaps you've felt it in the middle of the night, when someone flipped on the light switch when you weren't expecting it. Its not that you despised the light itself, but that you were more comfortable in the darkness. It hurts a little at first, stings the eyes and often exposes some bed head that you didn't want anyone else to see. It just takes a little getting use to, that's all. We think we're better off in the dark, but once we come out of it, awaken our senses, we see how much better it is to be living in the light.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a half lit room, like I'm pulling up that dimmer switch with all my finger muscles, but it isn't moving an inch and frankly I don't want it to. Its like I'm telling God its glued there, that I don't have any control, but I know in my head somewhere, in the back of my mind, that I'm the one holding it in place.

It's a beautiful privilege to be paddling along this river of light. The waters are liquid gold, shimmering and always pleasant. I love it here. I just wish I wouldn't cover my eyes so often, muddying the waters by indulging in the occasional shadow.