I Guess That's It, Then.

I don't know where it goes sometimes. One moment you're laughing with your friends in the car, arm dangling out the window with the summer wind smacking against your skin and the stereo loud, then next thing you know you're waking up to a snowy morning. The falling leaves told me it was coming, but I didn't notice until all the trees were left bare. Change has a way of happening gradually and since it does, I hardly notice it even taking place. Once the old is gone and the new has wiggled its way into the mundane, I finally step back to realize it and then I ask myself where it went, all that time and did I spend it as I should have?

It's funny how so much can happen in just 365 days. All those emotions knitted together into one ugly sweater that fits just right. I'm glad to have it behind me now, but parts of it I know I'll always hold dear. There was pain and there was wonder, it was a beautiful kind of mess. There was growth and lots of it. Lessons were learned and made note of, so that they'd never have to repeat themselves again. There were plenty of tears, hitting rock bottom more than once and then there was victory in the practice of taking a single step at a time. I wouldn't have pictured myself here, but then again, I'm not quite sure what I would have pictured. Life has its ways of doing everything you didn't expect and sometimes its best that way.

The new year is right around the corner and to be honest I am terrified. I know that things will change and feelings will be taken away that can never be replaced. I know that life will throw its curve balls, catching me off guard and sending me tumbling down again. I know I'll make messes and let people down. I know that other people will let me down too. All I'm certain about is the uncertainty of it all and frankly that scares me, but it doesn't stop me either. There is a kind of excitement in one big slate of empty. There are moments out there waiting for me, ready to shape me into who I'm suppose to be. There is time waiting to be filled, not time waiting to be killed. 2013 is days away and I am plenty afraid, but the more I think on it, I know it is a healthy sort of fear.

I'm not going to make any great resolutions, tying myself to expectations that I might never reach. I think I'm just going to take it slow this year, putting one foot in front of the other and living in the moment. Time might never be on my side, so I'm not going to try and manipulate it any longer. I don't know how much time I have left, God only knows that, but I do know that I don't want to be selfish about it, hoarding it all to myself.

So I guess that's it then. So long, 2012. You've been interesting. I'm not sad to see you go, but I'll be taking pieces of you with me. As for you 2013...I'll see you in a couple of days.

Happy new year, friends! Thanks for stopping by and if you're reading this, please drop me a comment and let me know what's on your mind this new years. Resolutions? Reflections? Excitement? Fear? I'd love to hear your thoughts.