A Beautiful Mess

And when You call my name

Never let me turn my back

We have skilled ourselves in the art of faking peace, projecting an image of tranquility when in reality there is a war going on inside of us. We know our own strength will at least get us somewhere, far enough until the pool runs dry. The tank is empty and so are we, wondering why we let our pride get the best of us this time.

We shut Him out without even knowing it sometimes, thinking we can ignore Him and reap the benefits of His presence, while clinging to our selfish priorities. We turn off one switch at a time and gradually the life grows darker, then before we can say we didn't mean it, we're tripping over traps we set for ourselves in the dark. And all it takes is one whisper, one sincere cry of repentance, but it takes us so long to realize we have sinned.

"Just tell me what I've done! Show me how I've sinned so that I can feel you again!"

"Pride." He says this softly and we pretend we didn't hear it. Pride? That doesn't count, does it? There must be something else. That's all too simple for us to accept.

The truth is, pride isn't simple, it's serious. It's not harmless, it's disgusting. We see it as a means of self-reliance, when in reality it's the road to self-destruction. God loves a broken and contrite heart, a heart that knows it needs. A heart that is sorry and ashamed, tired and aware. That's the kind of heart that God wants us to bring Him when we ask for forgiveness. All too often we bring puffed up hearts, masked with layers of "I'm sorry's" that are anything but sincere. He see's it all, who are we kidding? He see's that heart that says "I'm sorry if I did anything," and grieves at the very sight of it.

So if we know that He will never tire of a broken heart, why do we try so hard to piece it together ourselves, handing Him a mess that says it's clean? He see's through that nonsense, we're only fooling ourselves. He wants our broken hearts, because He loves enough to heal. He wants our ugly mess, because in His eyes that is humility, that is beauty.